Linguist, lexicographer, writer, editor, broadcaster

Stupid New Yorkers

I fear the stupidity of my fellow New Yorkers more than I fear a dirty bomb, another plane rammed into a building, or anything like that.

More than half of the survey’s respondents (53 percent) said that if they had to flee New York after a disaster, they would drive or take taxis. The report noted, however, that streets would likely be choked with traffic. Fifteen percent said they would ignore any orders to evacuate.

Not in the report:

—When their food and water supplies run low, 38% will order more from Fresh Direct. 18% will call the corner Chinese joint for more General Tsao’s chicken.

—If electricity fails, 32% will run an extension cord from a neighbor’s house. 62% will check the NYC government web site for government announcements about power restoration.

—If they run out of money, 43% will keep trying ATMs until they find one that works. 7% will steal extra cash from the drug dealers down the street. 19% are stockpiling cartons of cigarettes to use as currency.

I have enough canned goods, dry food, and water to last me a week. If the Warriors can make it from the Bronx to Coney Island overnight while pursued by gangs of angry New Yorkers, I figure a week is plenty of time for me get out of New York City and deep into Pennsylvania.

author avatar
Grant Barrett