Linguist, lexicographer, writer, editor, broadcaster


Al told me this story last week. He claims it’s true, but it sounds like an urban legend. This is the sickest thing I’ve heard in years. Sicker than rotting meat. A friend of his, a guy I think I’ve met, is an emergency room doctor. One day a homeless person comes in, filthy, stinking, rag-covered. Ankles swollen. Scabs. Evidence of evil, nasty drugs. All the worst kinds. Not a recreational user. Bad condition, looked half man, half woman, from incomplete male to female transsexual surgery. So doctors and nurses clean him up. In the process, they find out he wears a colostomy bag. It’s under his clothes. A colostomy bag replaces a rectum, installed on a body after the colon is removed or amputated. So they fix him up some more. I don’t know what that entails. In the process, they also find a rash. On his stomach, near where the bag connects to the hole in the abdomen. They call in a dermatologist. Dermatologist says, This is genital herpes. It’s kind of far from home. How did it get there? They quiz the patient at length. They grill him, this guy with the hole in his side. Turns out, he’s been letting people screw the gap in his belly. They are fucking his colostomy hole. They are ejaculating into his abdomen. In return, he gets whatever drugs he’s after, or maybe five dollars a pop.

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Grant Barrett