Linguist, lexicographer, writer, editor, broadcaster

Stuntwoman

An ex-girlfriend of a guy I’m working with called him up. She tells him something like this: “You know that Blazer I drive. Remember how when the gas gets low the fuel intake cuts out? I lose brakes and power steering? Well, the other day I’m on the LIE” The Long Island Expressway. “and it happens. I’m merging with traffic at high speed. The power’s gone. I come directly at traffic that roars by in front of me. Here I am, high up in my Blazer, and I’m travelling almost perpendicularly at merge speeds toward automobiles that are crossing my T. I’ve got no brakes, no steering, I’m traveling like a bat out of hell. It’s crash and die. “So I do the only thing I can. I jump out. I fling the door open, jump out into a nice tuck-and-roll, and spring to my feet. One guy asked me later if I’m a stuntwoman. It was perfect. “I’m standing on the little concrete triangle separating the main thoroughfare from the merge lane and I watch the Blazer plow into the side of a car. Two more travelling behind it fail to stop in time and ram into the mess. “I’m all right, but the Blazer is totalled. And I’m being sued by three people.”

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Grant Barrett